SEX! SEX! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Did you know it's completely possible to be fantastic in bed? Hey, it's the new self therapy people, so climb aboard and trust me, it won't be a bumpy night. In fact, all you have to do is open you ears and listen, which is the best medication I might add. So relax, light smoke, have a cocktail or undress in front of your window so your neighbor can see a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Sometimes your sex life is just fine. As fine as a summer day in the Hamptons but it can also be a disaster but guess what? It's all in your head. There's nothing wrong with you or the people your thighs are wrapped around. Here are a few issues that pull us away from the exhilarating sex life we all want to possess. "I CAN'T DO IT" This of course meaning it's impossible for you to climax, to shoot hoops through the big "O" let's say. You've tried all 529 positions of the Kama Sutra, taken a speed course in tantric love, and passed yourself out like a free sample hoping for a winner.Nothing is working and sooner or later you're drowning in a sea of disappointment. WHAT TO DO? Stop thinking or obsessing about it. Forget about the orgasms, period. Orgasms are like love, they happen when you least expect it. Stop viewing it as as a scene from "Outbreak" where if you don't rapidly find a cure you will die and not even Dustin Hoffman can save you. Let go and please your lover. Get lost in the moment and get your hands dirty. In this case, do not keep your eye on the prize. "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT" You're sex starved. Two week without sex and you feel as if you've spent your life in a nunnery. Once is never enough.You can never quench your thirst. But then it will feel to your partner as if you're on some kind of never ending crusade. They'll start to feel guilty because they can't keep up and resentments start to pile up and it all starts to feel itchy and uncomfortable, like that wool sweater your grandmother knitted for you in the back of your closet. WHAT TO DO? Normally, you feel a deep satisfaction after making love. A kind of natural Xanax, if you will. But instead, you want more and more, like a drug addict. The more you make love the more frustrated you become. You don't make love because you love the other person but to prove that you are loved. It's a classic case of narcissism. You make love to confirm that you are desirable but you never end up believing it. To get out of this trap, you'll have to learn self discipline. Sorry to burst your bubble but too much of a good thing always ends up losing its appeal, including sex. You will never be satisfied if you're constantly void of any emotion or affection. When you start making love for the right reasons, you'll discover what it is to be sexually satisfied, like Jeff Bridges. "I CAN ONLY DO IT THIS WAY" You think you're sexy but only under certain physical or psychological circumstances. Maybe you can only do it in public,in the stairs or in a parking lot.Or maybe you can only do it in front of a mirror, or with married men, complete strangers, giant, hairy apes or adolescent boy-types. This can be cute once in a while but not on a daily basis. WHAT TO DO? The problem is that you put a barrier between your sexual activities and the rest of your life.You separate your sexual life from your real life because then there is no risk for you personally. Better invest in a sledge hammer because you're going to have to break down that wall.Break the routine and don't fall on bad habits because you're afraid of change. The road less traveled, or the one that seems raided by bats and possessed clown, should be taken my dear. it's scary at first but so is wearing six-inch heels on a rainy day. "I'M TOO AFRAID" As soon as your bumping and grinding in your new satin sheets with someone, all your insecurities come pouring out. You could hate being naked or afraid of experimenting because your own desires embarrass you. Maybe you believe that your partner will stop loving you as soon as they get you into the sack or if you show them how much you want them. WHAT TO DO? The first step for you is to get rid of your inhibitions. Make a list, even. Talk to your partner about your hang ups. You have to speak up or else you'll never get what you want and as we all know, time is not our best friend. Inhibitions are often repressed desires and what scares you the most is probably going to give you the most pleasure. Even if you crave someone to dress you up as a turkey and want them to chase you around with a butcher knife!! It's okay...love is being weird together. Corsets are made to be loosened, whether they're physical, emotional or psychological. Sometimes, all it takes is a little pull and you'll be dancing in the rain, not even noticing that you're soaking wet, muddy and frightening the neighbors. Till next time...