BE VERY AFRAID OF THIS FILM

At first, I was open minded about watching "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark." It starred Guy Pearce, whom I respect, and Katie Holmes, whom I feel complete indifference towards. The film was produced by Guillermo Del Torro, who has a brilliant imagination and storytelling capabilities, and the film takes place in an astounding Gothic mansion worthy of selling your relatives for. I put my skepticism aside and decided to take a chance. The previews included frightening whispers from the basement, a disturbing little girl and the cinematography reminded one of a Diego Velasquez painting. So far, so good. Little did I know that my time and energy would be wasted and I would have been better off peeling ten pounds of vegetables or attempting to reproduce the Sistine Chapel in my living room. First of all, the actors either loathed being on set and took the job to get paid or they were taking heaps of sleeping pills. I still have faith in Guy Pearce, so my guess is he needed quick cash and called it a day. Katie Holmes, on the other hand, delivered such a dreary performance that she could very well be a substitute for morphine. You feel tired and numb,not in a comfortable way, I must say. The story is about a couple, Guy and Katie, who are renovating a house that I wouldn't live in since even the driveway seemed lined with evil spirits. The man's daughter, Sally, comes to live with them and clearly she would rather be peeling vegetables like myself. Sally begins to hear spooky whispers from the basement and wants to befriend whoever or whatever is scaring the shit out of her in the middle of the night. Is she completely incompetent or taking Katie Holmes's sleeping pills? It is impossible to root for a child who clearly wants to play hide and seek in Hell. It turns out, that tiny goblins have been haunting this home for over a century and when they get bored they must eat a child. These were no goblins but ugly rats with pitchforks, in my humble opinion. They crawled around like cockroaches and Sally could have killed all of them simply by stomping on them. Of course, there would be no movie if she'd done that.Undoubtedly, no one believes her tale of woe and she has to battle the demonic forces trying to destroy her family. The only problem is that her family is already flying over the cuckoo's nest. Her father ignores her periodical fits of hysteria and focuses on being on the cover of Architectural Digest with the renovation of the mansion. His girlfriend just wants to bake scones and stare at the koi fish in the pond outside and Sally's mother resides in LA, where her nocturnal activities have replaced motherhood. An episode of "Friends" has sent more chills down my spine then this artless tale of vengeful rats on steroids, who want to eat a masochistic child, whose father prefers money over her and whose girlfriend is in a constant state of confusion, due to the tainted Scientology porridge she's been gobbling up...well that's a whole other story. So go ahead and turn off the lights, your computer, your phone or any other devices that emit light if you are anywhere near a screening of this irksome tale about vermin and lunatics. Till next time...