LETTER TO A CONFINED WOMAN

Dear Jane Eyre,

Although I appreciate your morals and discipline, I have to tell you that you awaken in me a violent need to slap you repeatedly. I wouldn't want you to think me a brute, so I will therefore explain my somewhat bitter opinion of you.
First of all, I thought you were a wonderful child, full of sound and fury, never letting anyone step on your toes or belittle you. Fine attribute that every child should posses. Well done indeed. Your education was quite frankly a nightmare and as we all know surviving an all girl's boarding school in England could only be compared to an evening with Jack the Ripper. You finished school quite the young lady, even though you were humiliated, lost your best friend and beaten. At this point, you are as brave as Conan the barbarian in spirit and vigor.
I begin to get agitated with you when you begin working as a governess at Thornfield Hall. Your employer, Edward Rochester, is a mysterious man and could even be compared to the "Beast" in Disney's fairytale. Rochester is a little frightening, I'll give you that, but he teases and flirts with you in such a romantic way that your dress should have been flung into the fire upon your first encounter with him. Well, not in the forest but when he invites you to sit with him by the fire and is clearly, as we would say today, "really f###ing into you." I don't care that religion, status symbols and the rules of society have been your bread and butter until now. You're supposed to be a strong, independent woman Jane!! You've had to fight all your life and now the undeniably sexy and verbally arousing Rochester wants to see you in your knickers and you play hard to get for the entire story. And in Hollywood's latest version of your tale, you immediately succumb to Rochester's undeniable longing for you, especially when it's being played by Michael Fassbender young lady!!
Yes, you're not a damsel in distress and you want to be true to yourself but even the trees and sheep outside are aware of his steadfast desire and love for you Plain Jane. Someone should have given you the Marquis de Sade to read. That would have been far more educational and beneficial than drawing portraits alone by the window or lonely walks in the rain. You must be a sadist somewhere, my dear.
And then you get jealous, in a composed manner of course, when he has female guests at his home. What do you expect? He's desperately trying to get a reaction out of that somewhat frigid mind of yours. You're so confident and pleased with your unshakeable poise buy you don't know how to live.
I love you Jane. I really do. You're a credit to your race, as Woody would say but loosen your imaginary emotional corset. You seemed pale, at least that's how they've portrayed you onscreen, during your quest. You should have drank more wine and frolicked around Thornfield Hall in the nude, teasing your darling Rochester until he was begging for your flesh. You should have shocked the staff with your bare assets and Jane.... allowing desire to crawl up your leg will give your cheeks the natural flush they so obviously seemed to crave.

Best Regards,
A Very Irritated French Woman

"Shame" Movie Review

This is not a film about flowers blooming in the summer, romantic carriage rides in the fall or watching sunsets in an exotic far off land. This is a story filled with remorse, pain, anguish, desperation and massive amounts of self destruction and isolation. It's a shot of the strongest tequila, with no salt or lime to make its rawness sweeter. "Shame" is no picnic and if you're looking to watch a story that will give you butterflies or titillate your intellect you will be disappointed. The only thing you feel is a painful void, as if you've been punched in the stomach by a Viking.
This is the type of film society needs. We need to see what's truly going on in the world and the truth is most definitely revealed in this tale about Brandon Sullivan, a successful New Yorker, played by a brilliant Michael Fassbender, and his frightening sex addiction. Despite his rather cool and composed demeanor, he is drowning in a river of sexual torment and loneliness. His addiction has replaced the few important factors in life, one being Sissy, his self destructive sister, played by a disheveled Carey Mulligan, who only wants him to love her. Fassbender is emotionally crippled by his affliction and the only way he seems to feel alive is when there is zero intimacy involved. No pillow talk, no first date, no sharing common interests...just sex. And by sex, I mean a hungry, frantic, hard-boiled kind of sex. The kind you fantasize about yet are embarrassed to talk about.
With the arrival of his disorderly sister, he sinks deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of emotional deterioration. There is no solace for him anywhere in his personal life, except between the thighs of strangers and other "night walkers" like himself. There's a scene in the film where he goes running at night, as if he's trying to escape his curse. There's no running away from it, though. One glance from a pretty redhead on the subway, and as Kings of Leon so eloquently put it, his "sex is on fire."
I won't go into any details regarding the plot but I will tell you that this haunting film will leave you thirsty for someone to talk to. It may be too "European" of a movie for some, since a question mark replaces the period of the final scene and the sex scenes are brutally explicit but funnily enough possess an inexplicable grace, like that of a gazelle being chased by a ravenous lion.
There is no shame in this film...just truth.
Till next time...