LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD

For thousands of years people have analyzed, written about and obsessed about love. From Shakespeare to Margaret Mitchell, writers and poets have have written countless stories about every kind of love under the sun. Films like Titanic or A Streetcar Named Desire have made us hope to be struck with the fire and passion that being in love brings. Songs ranging from U2's "With or Without You" to Deep Purple's "Mistreated" take us on a journey where we can feel the agony and longing that comes hand in hand with falling for someone. It doesn't matter if it's love at first sight, friendship that turns into a relationship or a passionate one night stand the results are usually the same. My question is: With all the books, music and films that describe every aspect of love, how come we are still so clueless about one of the oldest topics in history?
I think... let me re-phrase that, I know that it's because we are our own worst enemy. We don't listen to our gut instinct, which is usually right. We want immediate satisfaction and we don't want to work at anything in matters of the heart. We expect too much from others and compare them to the perfect, imaginary partner in our minds. As a child, I was madly in love with Val Kilmer in "Willow." His portrayal of Mad Martigan was my idea of the ideal man. He was a warrior, brave to the bone, dark, seductive, funny and loyal. Unfortunately, as I grew older I realized that if I set the bar at that level I would be alone forever. I had to realize that the hero in my head would only come to life in dreams or fantasies. There's no war, or poverty, or disease in our imagination. It's like our own little piece of heaven where knights in shining armors do exist.
In the real world, fear and fear alone, is why love is still nature's best kept secret because there's no book or commandments on how to find it. Love isn't perfect sex, perfect friendship or perfect minds coming together. Love is about finding an imperfect person perfectly. It's about understanding that life is the battlefield and it's better if you have someone by your side to fight the war with you. Most people run away if there's intimacy problems, financial woes or misunderstandings. They forget that for every problem there is always a solution. Self-help books aren't going to give you the golden ticket and money only buys happiness just for a moment. Love is the only thing that cannot be bought. It usually has to be earned.
People confuse love and lust on a daily basis. I've done it countless times in my life. You meet someone that you find unbelievably attractive physically and that ignites all your senses during intimacy and you think it's true love. After that, if they turn out to be the worst possible mate we make excuses for them to keep that lust alive. Wrong!! You are on dangerous territory and you won't keep your head above water for much longer.
Let me tell you a little tale: When I was eighteen, I met a man that was much older than me. I thought he was Don Juan DeMarco come to life. I longed for his presence all day long and stayed awake at night fretting about when I would see him again. Lust was the only component in this relationship that made it last as long as it did... three years to be exact. This man manipulated me to the very end and left me lifeless and sick. He was a monster. He wasn't my friend, he wasn't around when I had problems or needed him for support and he couldn't have cared less about my well-being since he got me addicted to drugs. I still believed that he was the one, forgiving all his mistakes for the one element that was strong... lust.
Do yourself a favor. Stop searching for love. Stop staying in abusive relationships with people that are practically sucking you dry like a vampire. Love is the little things. Watching a sunset together, being there when they're sick, wanting them to succeed and listening to their hopes and dreams. Fear and selfishness are incredibly difficult to extinguish but when you meet the one it won't be impossible an longer.
When it comes to love be a realist. Don't fear the unknown and recoil into your shell at the first sign of a speed bump. In that respect, be like Mad Martigan. Be brave and be bold because you may never get that chance again. True love is worth fighting for and you will have to fight for it. Anything you obtain too easily is usually misleading.
A poet once said that "It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands." Can you deal with that?
Till next time...

FEAR

We were once giggling children more pre-occupied with puppies and Barbies rather than constantly worrying about our weight or how sexually desirable we are. We used to wait in anticipation for our favorite cartoon to come on or to go jump in the lake with our friends. There was a complete sense of freedom and wonder. What happened?
As we grow older, we become obsessed with what is socially acceptable. We persuade ourselves that by avoiding the unknown we will be safe forever. Change is bad... it's unpredictable. We set up barriers that withhold us from blossoming and instead keep us trapped like a caged bird.
Throughout history, there have been individuals who stood up for their beliefs and embraced being different. Some of them lost their lives like Socrates or Martin Luther King Jr. but these are the figures we remember. They will remain immortal and although some may admire them we usually leave it at that. What would the others think if I shouted what I really thought? Think about it. If you swept away your fear at pivotal moments in your life maybe your life would be different. Those fantasies floating around in your head could come true. A moment of passion where you can hear " With Or Without You" playing in your head wouldn't be just wishful thinking. Who cares? What have you got to lose?
If nobody took chances and stayed at home drinking Coke on the couch wishing they were Meg Ryan or Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle nothing would happen. Life would come to a halt and there would be... nothing. Just millions of lost souls stuck in square one for eternity. Think about it... the fear. Think long and think hard.
What would our world be like today if there was no Sistine Chapel, no "Romeo and Juliet," no telephone or no planes?
The next time you feel the sharp tentacles of fear creeping up your spine just take a deep breath and do something you'll be smiling about later instead of being swallowed whole by regret and eating chocolate all by your lonesome.
Till next time...